HOW TO DO MY JOB...

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HOW NOT TO DO MY JOB

Lille kat lille kat lille kat på vejen, hvis er du hvis er du? - Jeg er s'gu' min egen

I am so getting a normal house cat next time - one that actually likes being held and petted and stuff like that.

Playing with kids is hard work - and gets boring in the long run if the kid is not your own.

So, my sister and her children were on vacation at my place for 3 days, and then two days later my nephew turned 4.

At this point I had turned into his best friend... Which was cute in the beginning... but since best friends apparently need to watch each other play 24-7, and can't talk to anyone else, or eat or do anything that is not related to the friend... I got sort of tired ^___^

my sister's second baby... don't try this at home!

Yeah - so since I am not in the mood to have kids any-time soon, but I want my kids to play with my friends' kids... I need to get my friends to STOP getting pregnant, until I want to have children.

My sister's bloody-giving-birth-stories are the perfect way to get my friends to stop their family projects ^___^

And don't worry, my sister got a couple of blood transfusions, and after a couple of days she could walk to the toilet without almost fainting.

Lego was very upset! "de har besudlet vores klodser"

I was at a meeting for priests in Århus this week. If I wasn't there for the interesting discussions and the social stuff with my colleges ... I was there for ONE lecture in particular...

A lecture by Jakob Stegelmann from Danish television! I love that guy - he came and freed the danish geeks.

The best pun on words he made wasn't intended, and it is hard to translate into English, because there isn't really a good word for testicles that resembles lego-bricks... to bad for the English readers... sucks to be you! But it was about LEGO suing some people who made a slightly suggestive video with lego-people.

the Christian side hug

I am currently writing an article about the Christian side hug. My friend Mads showed me the hilarious video on youtube... and ehm, well... Good luck with that conservative puritans! You're gonna need it, and you are probably gonna need to be less gangster-like if you want the young people to behave in acordance with what you think is morally right... and you should find a new name... Rough Riders I mean...

According to urban dictionary Rough rider can mean:

1:a condom covered with spikes enhancing sexual experience for the female, sometimes pain

2:Someone who prefers dry anal or vaginal sex, or is extra rough with intercourse

(dude, bobby wore that rough rider, holy shit! i had multiple climaxes!)

Adj., (sexual): A person who excels in sex, a good lay, a ride, a sex god.

When one dips their dong in sand in order to create a more intense bang out...

Do I need to say more?

Watch the video here: http://freedomainradio.com/BOARD/forums/t/23513.aspx

Soapula rasa

Brainwashing depends a great deal on the soap you're using. I use Soapula rasa, it gives you a clean slate. It is mind-numbingly effective, you should try it! Soapula rasa, it will knock your brain out! Soapula rasa... because it works!

Almost there

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha... *cough*

Watch out - Chidori got new twin markers today - now she's got more than 100.

HOUSE WARMING STORIES

I was at my friend Maria's house warming party yesterday... and as the evening progressed the stories got more and more interesting... here are a few.

1) My friend and her friends put in some hard work to fix up that apartment, and in the process they tore down a few walls, to Anders' great dismay.


2) I heard the story about why my friend Maria has this panic fear involving butterflies... apparently they are actually NINJA BUTTERFLIES with throwing stars... who would have known? My sister hates butterflies too... maybe there's a connection.

3) I learned why you're not supposed to paint you snowman's smile using gravy browning
4) Things got interesting when Maria told me about her other friend who apparently shot 4 black birds once and wanted to serve them as the main dish when some friends came over for dinner... Maria saw the four unlucky birds on a plate with some yeast, and some flees hastily retreating from the dead birds.
5) Maria also told me about the time she went to a party while on call duty trying to hush everybody so she could hear her phone, while she insisted she was sober enough to do her job.
6) Around 11 pm I made cinnamon buns... there was some dough left over from the bread we baked... can't let stuff like that go to waste. we had dough, sugar, butter and cinnamon - TADAA
7) Then came the story about one of the other guests, who once went to see a movie, and sat next to a 16 year old, 100 kilo, pimpled boy, who seemed to have emptied the candy store before he went in, he ate it all before the movie even started - and she got a 3-D movie with smell and extra sound effects and everything.



8) After having hear stories about guests who ran over duckling on their bike and deer in their cars we made up a recipe for Road-kill-stew

9) The gruesome tale about how one of the guests got a tooth removed while her noble boyfriend fainted, luckily the dental technician had some nice boobs and she brought him back round.

10) And then it was time to leave and catch the last train, you know it's time when you you start looking into your hollow crackers and imagine caves...

They really DO look like caves you know!

There is only so much pretty in the world

Yeah if you only see my sister from behind, you wouldn't know that Dicte/Emil Andersen is schedule to enter this world tomorrow...

You know you play to many computer games when...

Well everyone has tried it! I'm just the first one to admit it. Yes it always seems that the line is moving slowly when you're in a hurry, it's never jamed when you're not about to miss an appointment... And yes haven't we all imagined ways to make that queue move faster? the trick is to keep it INSIDE your head and not shout it out.

It's just like at Christmas time - it doesn't help that you start complaining about how slow the saleslady is, that's not gonna make the queue move faster, it's only gonna make all the people in the queue even more grumpy. If you're happy, share it, if you are angry at the freaking queue and the store and the world in general... please DON'T share with anyone but your loved ones or the therapist who is paid to listen to you.

This was my clever way to bitch about a grumpy experience in a queue to the whole world who isn't paid to listen ^____________^

Hating people

Yeah luckily there is very few people I feel this way about, only one actually I think...

But I often get the urge to wipe down all the handles in public buses with alcohol, because I know how many people don't wash their hands after they go to the toilet >.<*

Only one thing beats women talking about childbirth...

Yeah - we've all tried listening to some mother telling about how wonderful her baby is, but then start ranting about how tough the contractions were and how many hours she had to fight before this little wonder on earth came out...

Only ONE thing beats the stories these mothers tell...

And that ONE thing is the FATHERS telling the story about how the child was born

Apperantly my sisters diet consisted of 45 % iron the first week after my nephew was born. The nurses made her "iron-stew" and "iron-smoothies" because she lost so much blood. According to my brother in law: a spray of blood followed the baby and arched across the room...

And they wonder why I'm in no hurry to find a guy to reproduce with ^__^

Proud people playing chess with Death...

So I was thinking... how much does it take, before someone who is a BRILLIANT chess player, but who is also very proud resigns in a game of chess against Death?

* "Fuck you! I'm not gonna do that!"

Yeah... I met with some of my gay friends yesterday, and they confirmed what I already knew... DON'T GO TO HAMMEL! Here the local grill has a sign advertising: FLÆSKESTEGSBURGER - NU MED EKSTRA SOVS!

It's the hill billy city over them all, and if you get caught up in a tupperware party here, you're doomed! Well, it wasn't even Hammel - it was Farre, 6 km outside Hammel.

And as a piece of bonus information I can tell you, that if you engage in singstar in hill billy ville you are very likely to get your ass kicked.

You know the ethical thought experiments people sometimes do?

Like: 12 people are in a life boat that is only build for 11. The boat is going to sink in 30 minutes if you do not throw someone overboard into the freezing water. You know help is on its way - but you don't know when it will reach you... it might take hours...
Do you throw someone out? And who? The captain? The wounded guy who will die in less in an hour if he doesn't get help? The pregnant lady? The murderer who was being transported to a prison? The old man?


Now imagine this boat, the 12 people are discussion if and who to throw out... suddenly a man stands up and says:

*note* Annas was high priest when Jesus was sentenced to death.

How dread-locks were invented

I can't braid my own hair... my arms always get tired and almost go into a cramp - so that's why you only see me with lose hair, pony tail or hair bun in my drawings.